Just some thoughts

The Donahoos just left and I have such a pleasant, homey feeling right now.  You know that feeling you get when you have real fellowship?  I think I'm more sensitive to it now that I work by myself most days.  There is something about sitting alone in a quiet office staring at a computer screen every day that will really make you crave relationships.  Real, true, honest relationships.  Relationships how they were created to be--open, transparent, forgiving--gospel centered relationships.  I think that being alone so much has also made it harder for me to be natural with people....like it is hard for me to get back in the groove of relating to people.  I revert back to 5 year old Jessica who is shy and scared of the world.  It is so easy for me to let my fear prevent me from really getting to know people.  I hate that, because in my heart I really do long for deep friendships.  I just get hung up in the process.  I can feel the Lord working in my heart and freeing me from this fear, but it still creeps up and enslaves me more often than I'd like to admit.  It seems like this is my thorn that really prevents me from loving like Christ did.  I am going through Discipling by Grace at church, and this is the first time in my life that I am beginning to really see the root of my insecurity and identify as the doubt, unbelief, and sin that it is.  That in and of itself just proves that God is faithful even when I am faithless.  I have mourned my insecurity so many times only to resolve to "do better" or "trust God more", all the while forgetting the gospel--the beauty of who I am in Christ.  He loves me, He has forgiven me, He has made me completely righteous and He has promised to sanctify me.  It is not up to me to do better.  I will fall flat on my face every time.  Christ has conquered sin and has made me more than a conqueror--not because of who I am, but because of who He is.  Why is it so easy to forget this?  I need to hear it over and over again.  Thank you to all of my wonderful friends who remind me and who coax me out of my five year old shyness and into the light of the gospel.

Just as a side note, Trace and Ginger are lovely.  I recommend them to all of you as superb dinner guests.  Invite them over.  Give them money to go to England.  Let Trace tell you stories--he's pretty good at that.  And Ginger makes some mean brownies.

In other news, I just found out that Adam doesn't wash his feet.  Gross.  I love him anyways. He does help me clean the house every weekend.  I have a wonderful husband and now feel bad complaining about his stinky feet.

Adam and I have begun a strange old people habit.  We have found this online game called "word whomp" where you make as many words as you can out of scrambled letters.  I'm not at all embarrassed to admit that after a romantic dinner on Valentines day, we cuddled up on the couch and played an exciting game of word whomp.  We're not pathetic, I promise.

I don't make new year's resolutions, but I think I'm going to try out a belated one and see how it goes.  I NEVER comment on other people's blogs.  Don't get me wrong, I read your blogs.  I just don't comment.  I'm what you call a lurker.  I figure if I claim it, I can start taking steps towards remediation.  The first step is to venture out into the world of blog commenting and just give it a try.  I usually don't have any witty retorts to your posts, so just humor me if I write something stupid on your blog.  

Please pray for the Rays, a sweet couple at our church.  Rebecca is pregnant and due in May, but went into labor late Saturday.  The doctors hoped to hold it off and keep her on bedrest, but the labor continued and they are trying to prepare for the baby.  Please pray for the health of baby and Rebecca, as well as comfort and faith for Rebecca and Keith.  I'll update as soon as I know something!

No photos for this post...hope to have some of the stuff I've been working on up soon.  Thank you for making it this far in my ramblings!